Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I Am So Lazy!

My friend was over at my house today creating a blog and forgot to log out. I of course took the opportunity to post something on her blog (and apparently left some comments on other peoples blogs under her name. Sorry). But now I still have to post something on my blog. Oh No I Don't!! I can just copy and paste it right onto my blog. I am so smart. Alls I need to do is just add the word "flank" in a few times and change the spelling of "guys" to gize and I have got a post!


The picture you are all enjoying is me flanking my three kids. I had a forth at the time but she is not pictured and no longer lives with us (flank goodness <--J.K.). So this day started out as many of our days with the Neustaedters do, flanking at the Horse Troph, a.k.a. Golden Corral. Neustaedters like to eat at this place because all their kids eat for free and Strassers (me) like this place because of the all-you-can-eat-do-it-yourself-ice cream dispenser. Well, as soon as we are all un-satisfied but our tummies were full we left. Usually after our shmorgashborgs, we will go over to a park near someones house. So I decided not to use the germ infested public restroom and just wait until we get to one of our houses to go to the bathroom. As usual we load up our kids and then since we are too lazy to walk from one handicap parking space to the next to decided where to go now, we just drive away and call each other on the cell phones. As we are discussing where to go, Steve makes a wonderful <--being sarcastic, suggestion that we go to Jump Creek. Well of course Katie and I don't want to take 9 little kids and a teenager with a bad attitude to Jump Creek but Morgan took Steve's side and since he was driving and in the lead, that is where we went. I told Morgan I needed to go pee but he assured me that they had REAL bathrooms up there. I didn't recall there being plumbing in the middle of nowhere but if any of you know Morgan, he is always right. So I just continue to "hold it" with a very stuffed tummy for the thirty minute drive to Jump Creek. And to make matters worse, I had no cell phone coverage so I was unable to ignore Morgan the whole time while I talked to Katie. We finally get there and I can see the restroom. I quickly dash over and get inside and IT WAS A PORT-A-POTTY!!! Oh no he didn't!! Okay well I really had to pee so I tried to psych myself up for it but as I peered into the deep dark toilet, all I could imagine we a giant snake in the flanking position living down there, waiting for an unsuspecting girl to place her bare bum on the toilet seat. Snakes are such perverts. Anyways, I just couldn't do it. So I leave the bathroom and tell Morgan I need to leave but he says, "Oh stop being a baby and just take a cup, pee in it, and then dump that in the toilet." Genius! It was quite easy to find a cup since my entire car was filled with McDonalds happy meal cups. I grabbed my cup, ran to the bathroom, and started to relieve the pressure off my bladder. UH-OH! This cup isn't very big. I also didn't "prepare" my self well enough to be able to tell when I was getting close to the top of the cup. Not a big deal. I will just stop right now, empty the cup, and then finish. Well, unfortunately, I was already at the very tip top. As I VERY carefully tried to move the cup away from my clothes while still having a half full bladder, I ended up spilling most of it on my pants. Crap! Now what? Oh I tried to play it off like it was no big deal. "Oh that, it is just a little pee I spilled all over my pants. It happens." Steve took the opportunity to make fun of me as much as possible (<--hissing at Steve) but I don't think any of the 9 kids thought it was a big deal cuz "Peeing your pants is the coolest." Well, at least it was just my family and the Neustaedters who saw. Except as we hiked to the waterfall we actually saw quite a few people. I tried to make loud comments about how stupid I feel for falling into some pee smelling water so that when the strangers were wondering if I fell into some pee smelling water or if I peed my pants, they would think I just fell. I am not sure if they bought it but I like to think they did. We finally made it to a very crowded waterfall and I quickly sat down on a rock and crossed my legs for the remainder of the time, acting as though I was tired and "I will make the sacrifice of sitting here taking pictures of you gize". Once my pants were dry and I now smelled like stale urine, we pack up the kids and left. I was quite anxious to get home and take a shower. After wearing pee pants for several hours, the shower never felt better. So now I have TONS of pictures to remind me of the day that I basicly peed my pants. The moral of the story, Don't use port-a-potties. Perverted snakes live in them and they will bite your bum if you sit on one.
If you would like to read the exact same blog, feel free to visit Katie's blog. I did find a few more error in this one that I was able to fix. It may be fun for you to read both and find the errors I corrected. Maybe I will give a prize to the person who finds the most!!

14 comments:

Landee said...

As Memzy can attest, I've peed or pooed myself an unfortunate number of times as an adult. And just like you, I've always played it off like it's completely normal. "Oh yeah, well, so I thought it was just gas and then it very much wasn't so... yeah, no biggie." That TOTALLY works! People flank you when you own it.

Amanda said...

When Steve and I ran that race a little while back, we had a long drive there and I HAD to pee. We were late too. So I remember Dwight (The Office) peeing in a bottle in the car! I couldn't find a cup or bottle but found a gallon size ziplock bag. Perfect. Well, not so perfect. I tried pretty hard to do it without getting myself well. No cando. I had totally wet pants until I got home from the race. Lots of morals in that story isn't there.
Loved this post better than anyone you've ever done. Keep it up.

Memzy said...

This is true, Landee. I can attest to lots of human waste covering your bottom half. Landee is a pro at the "gambling and losing" portion of bathroom etiquette.

And peeing yourself is always funny. Kinda like farting.

abutler said...

Oooo, I'm grossed out. Me and porta-potties don't go together. I would rather pee my pants.

Markie23 said...

That is the first time I have heard of the "fear of being bitten on the bum by a snake in a porta-potty" before. I wonder if there is a name for that phobia.
snakerapeaphobia?
You know, snakes are not like flies. They can't just cling to the undersides of things. And they also can't leap up into the air, especially while floating on top of a pile of mushy human waste. But I guess like all things phobic.. it doesn't have to be rational.
Even if I thought there was a chance that a snake might nibble my bum, I'd still rather take the chance than walk around in pee'd on pants.
BTW, you don't live in Guatemala for two years without becoming a member of "The Brown Spotters Club". I have squatted in the jungles of Guatemala many times, and if that's not an open invitation for a snake bite, I don't know what is.

MorganStrasser said...

When I was a kid I was camping at a family reunion with my cousins and we caught 20 or 30 snakes and put them down in the porta-potty.

Seriously

Landee said...

That is the manliest story Markie has ever told! Squatting in jungles to poo=high testosterone.

MorganStrasser said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary said...

I was once in dire need of a bathroom while Liz drove me from the Heathrow airport in England to where we were staying. Not knowing the area, she was afraid to just get off the freeway and search for a public restroom, so she continued to drive at warp speed, trying to get me to a restroom as soon as possible, which, unfortunately was not soon enough for me. So I managed to do the deed in a large black garbage bag in the far back seat of a van, while moving at warp speed, without getting a drop on my clothes or the car!!! How about that!? And you thought I had no skills.

ajesplin said...

The men have it easy, what with their pee shooter thing. It's been a long time since I peed my pants, but last time I did, I told everyone that I had fallen in a puddle while doing the splits even though it hadn't rained in six months. But I'm good at holding it. I never peed at girls camp, except for that one time we went swimming. flank.

Vegas Family said...

When you gotta go you gotta go.

I have missed my mark a few times as well and ended up with damp under drawers. No fun!

great stoty

Amy Thurston said...

Well, I don't have any "stoty's" of peeing my pants. And I am not embarrassed about it either. I have spent the last 30+ years being afraid of snakes in port-a-potties though. I would still rather risk being bit on the butt, than pee my pants.
I always keep an empty water bottle in my car for my boys. The other day, I was picking up the kids, Howie had to go, we were in the car line waiting, I had him pee in a bottle, he missed, now I need a new purse.

lovedkat said...

It was so funny to watch this whole thing come down....seriously...lol. sara is hilarious, ive never feared bathrooms and risked peeing myself however they may have been a time or two when i got so creeped out being the only one in places like edwards bathrooms that i ran out as fast as i could without washing....now i really didnt want to admit that but i wouldnt admit pooing or peeing myself....ill just keep sanatizer in my diaper bag!

lovedkat said...

ok i just read what i wrote...it doesnt make sense...i meant washing my hands and that i keep hand sanatizer in my diaper bag which i always have with me...ps im a terrible speller and typer and the h is missing on this lap top so it adds to my bad typing sorry