My Addiction

It all started about four months ago. We had a major change in our family and a teenager came to live with us. She seemed like a very nice girl and loved little kids. She had no history of aggression and was never ever mean to my kids. In fact, my kids loved her and at times preferred her over me. But at night time when I was trying to sleep, all that kept running through my head was "I have a teenager living in my house that I just got out of jail." I know it was silly of me to be so paranoid but what can I say, my dad was a worry wort and it is in my DNA. So after tossing and turning I decided to get up and get the kids and bring them in my room. I laid Teddy and Wini on a mattress on my floor and put Wolfe in bed with me. Morgan was very annoyed at my paranoia and told me he would not put up with the kids sleeping in our room every night. The next night was the same thing though. This time I waited until Morgan was asleep, then I crept out of my room, grabbed the kids, and put them in their same positions. I always made sure that Wolfe was on the end at my flanks and me in the middle so that Morgan would never find out. Morgan was usually the last one to wake up in the mornings so the kids would be out of our room and usually the evidence would be gone. I made sure that me and Wolfe snuggled up together really tight so Morgan wouldn't feel crowded. Time went on and as I got to know this teenager, I really did feel like she loved my kids but then she started to hang out with hoodlums and giving them my phone number and address. Now I was paranoid about who might be sneaking over to our house at night. So the kids still had to be brought into my room at night. Again, time went by and eventually this particular teenager ended up getting arrested and leaving our house for good. So now all my paranoid fears are gone...but I still can't sleep. There was way too much room in my bed and I needed to hear the sucking of a binki and I missed the creepy sleep talking that went on at night time. So as soon as Morgan was a sleep, I went and got the kids and brought them into my room and fell fast asleep.

Hello, my name is Sara and I am addicted to kids sleeping in my room.

I know it is not my fault. It is a disease. There is family history of paranoia and children sleeping with their parents for prolonged periods at a time. I try every night to not bring them in. I look myself in the mirror before bed and tell myself, 'I am strong and I don't need them to sleep.' But I can't do it. I need them.